I have donned many natural hair dos- cornrows, twist outs, and bantu knots. This was before the natural hair movement began to get the momentum that it has now. You name it; I’ve worn that crown.

When I got my first weave my guy friend compliments me and says,

“Damn girl I love your hair. Dem damn Cecile braids had to go.… you’re a woman now.”

I am a woman because I have a weave???!!!!!

A guy that I dated said this to me-about the same weave.

“Why do black girls gottta wear weave. It’s ok but really it is so fake”.

“Black girls”-the tone was derogatory it stung similarly to when men say “y’all females”.

Sighs…

I am isolating polarized opinions to prove my point.

The weave in the first instance, is the source of my beauty and in the other, it’s my downfall. Black hair standards are informed by societal pressures to maintain beauty standards that black women did not create. Hold on- I forgot to mention that given the current political climate, we are expected to reform these standards now.

This is very anti-intellectual but I can style my hair how I want without justifying it?! Ultimately both men are not communicating with me. They are demanding an explanation which I refuse to provide. What black men are not acknowledging is that they love the performance of femininity so stop giving me a hard time about my hair. Instead please have a few extra head scarves at your house to help me to get comfortable if I have a weave or not.