It is my birthday and I like to use this time to reflect like I have here, here and here. I am not the same woman, and I made the announcement here, but it has not been a graceful or easy transition. I can not continue at the same intensity and resolve as before. Sorry, not sorry!

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work!

I never work for my sole benefit and always take a community first approach because I’m acutely aware that my success or failure affects others. When I talk about work, I am referring not only to my career but also to the emotional labor of maintaining relationships, family, friends, home and life. If you know me, you can attest that I have an intensity and passion that can weird people out-just keeping it a buck! My to-do list turned into my brain vomiting a list of responsibilities that gave me anxiety because I didn’t know how to tackle all of the items on my list, and it was getting longer. I work to justify rest. I thought I needed therapy – I needed time and space. I needed clarity so I could stop overthinking.

12 Signs You Are A People Pleaser

1. You almost never use the word ‘no’.
2. Avoidance tactics are your go-to.
3. You have a physical reaction to letting others down.
4. You don’t know your boundaries.
5. You hear yourself agreeing to things you don’t like.
6. You call others ‘selfish’ (but never to their face)
7. You are often exhausted and stressed.
8. You rarely if ever delegate.
9. Me time is last on the list, or never makes the list.
10. You compare yourself to others and come up lacking. 
11. You can’t bear being criticized.
12. You feel under appreciated.

Harley Therapy Ltd. – © 2006-2023 https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/people-pleaser-meaning.htm

I want to take a closer look at people pleasing, especially as a black woman. Is it people pleasing? People pleasing, for many black women, can be a by product of successfully managing the responsibilities thrusted upon us. There is a silent omnipresent guilt and expectation to serve your family and community.

Saying No

Psychological Projection

If you keep giving why wouldn’t someone take? It does not mean that everyone around me is selfish and mean people who are only out to rob me of my light. *BIG VICTIM ENERGY* They take because I give without objection or hesitation. In fact, I happily inconvenience myself all the time. Several times, I do or give, hoping that other people have a conscience. I don’t want to have to have a confrontation – insignificant or serious. Look at my calendar, *insert screenshot*. Or look, I asked for this last Friday *insert screen*. I have plans, but I will rearrange them so we can connect. I thought, I don’t need to state the obvious-oh no, but you do, several times in case they didn’t hear you in the back. I need to set, communicate, and enforce my boundaries because no one else will, and it is not their responsibility to do so, and they won’t.

I thought I established boundaries here. Upon reflection, I only identified that I needed to set boundaries. I instead tried to overwork to manage the load and learned the hard way that there isn’t a productivity hack to please people.

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